Thankful Thursday & Froth and Bubble

Life is mostly froth and bubble, but two things stand like stone, kindness in another's trouble and courage in your own. ~~Princess Diana

 

 

There has been several discussions in the past couple of days over at Donna & Dawn's concerning friendships, and how good ones are hard to come by.  Words said or unsaid, feelings hurt, hearts and feelings bruised.  A while back I posted a quote by James Allen that states "Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him."  I definitely feel that this statement is true.

 

Both Donna and Dawn discussed how they have been hurt by friends/family, and how they thought that their friendship was unconditional.  I've had the same experience, as I can assume that most people have.  We have a friendship that we thought was exceptional until a crisis arose and then that particular friend basically disappeared.  My story is this:

 

I met Anne the summer between 5th and 6th grade when she moved across the street from me.  Daddy told me "go meet the new neighbors, they have a girl about your age" when I complained one summer day that I was bored (something I'm sure your kids have never expressed to you, lol).  When I met Anne I wasn't immediately attracted to her as a friend and thought she was just a little weird.  But boredom won over and I found myself spending alot of time with Anne that summer and a strong bonding friendship immerged, despite the 2year age difference. 

 

Over the years we faced joys and trials together, bonding us even closer.  I stood by Anne and fiercely defended her when she became pregnant at 15 ("there go I but by the grace of God), when her husband cheated on her, when she cheated on him, when they separated numerous times, through each subsequent child's birth, through her husband's drug and alcohol addictions, through an abortion, etc.  And in return I thought Anne stood by me as well, always lending an ear to my woes.  But, it was when I needed Anne the most that she deserted me.

 

I had decided to leave my ex-husband and get a divorce after 13 years of being together (9 1/2 married).  I thought Anne understood, after all she had been separated from her husband at least three times and had contemplated divorce herself more than once.  I was quite hurt when she quit calling, writing letters (before emails guys), and generally avoiding the subject of my pending divorce.  I just kept telling myself that she was busy since she had just been promoted at her job.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for a conversation we had when I was in town visiting about 3 months after I officially separated from my ex.

 

Anne and I were sitting in her living room watching TV and I said "You know you've hurt my feelings."  Anne just looked at me and said "I know.  Come with me."  She got up, held my hand and led me to her bedroom.  Anne then proceeded to pull her Bible out of her bedside table, open it to a particular verse, and hand it to me.  She said, "Read this and then come talk to me," and then left the room.  I was a just more than a little confused but complied with her request by reading the marked verses.  I can't remember exactly the passages, but the verses basically stated that if a certain person was to choose to be around others who participated in sinful activities then they were sealing their fate to eternal damnation as well, and that their immortal souls were in danger.  God stated that as Christians we were to remove ourselves from that situation and those persons.

 

Okay.  I sit there for a while thinking "WTF?"  So I get up and go back to the living room and sit down not saying anything for a while.  Then I go, "So who is going to Hell, you or me?"  Anne then looked at me and said, "I am if I continue to be friends with you.  God doesn't condone divorce and I can't sit by you and be your friend if you and Tom get a divorce.  I can't support your decision.  I want to be your friend, but I can't if you don't try and work it out with Tom.  Think of Hannah and what you would be doing to her.  Think of your immortal soul."

 

Another "WTF?"  I think I basically sat there in shock for a while until I said, "I thought you were my friend.  I can't believe you are even saying this to me.  We have been friends for 20years, Anne.  I've stood by you when no one else would, and I mean no one.  How can you dare to sit there and pass judgment on me?  I know that God would not want you to abandon me if my soul was in danger, He would want you to comfort and guide me.  That's not how it works.  I'm not some deviant or mass murder.  I am a woman who has been unhappy in her marriage for years and someone who gave it a good long try.  If that is all you have to say, then you are not and perhaps never have been the friend I thought you were.  Thank you for opening my eyes."  As I stood up to leave, Anne jumped up and hugged me and said, "I'll miss you."

 

That was 11 years ago.  I still think about it, talk about it, cry about it.  I was, and am hurt to the very core of my being.  No person, male or female, friend or family, has ever hurt me as bad or to the degree that Anne hurt me all those years ago.  I still can't let it go.  David has always said, "You were always a much better friend to Anne than she ever was to you."  I can see that now, but it doesn't lessen the pain.

 

So moving on now, let's go to Thankful Thursdays, and here are my five...

 

1.  For friendships true and strong I thank you Melissa, Brenda, Julia, Elizabeth and Tara.

 

2.  For my family, I don't know what I would do without you.

 

3.  For my husband, David.  Through thick and thin always there for me and my biggest supporter.

 

4.  For my children, Hannah and Caleb.  You have truly stretched my heart with love until it is bursting at the seams.

 

5.  For new "virtual" friendships in J-Land, I am very grateful and blessed.

 

I'll leave you with that and say...

 

Ciao!  De ;)

 

 

Tags: Friendships, Thankful Thursday