Moving to Arizona

My sis Kathyrn sent this to me.  I had read it before, but it is funnier now that I've actually gone through an Arizona summer! 

A newcomers experience with Phoenix, AZ.
>
>          Just moved to Phoenix, Arizona!  Now this
> is a state that knows how to
>          live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
> evenings.  What a place!  It
>       is
>          beautiful.  I've finally found my home.  I
> love it here.
>
>          May 14th:
>          Really heating up.  Got to 100 today.  Not
> a problem.  Live in an
>          air-conditioned home, drive an
> air-conditioned car.  What a pleasure to
>          see the sun everyday like this.  I'm
> turning into a sun worshipper.
>
>          May 30th:
>          Had the backyard landscaped with western
> plants today.  Lots of cactus
>       and
>          rocks.  What a breeze to maintain.  No more
> mowing lawn for me. Another
>          scorcher today, but I love it here.
>
>          June 10th:
>          The temperature hasn't been below 100 all
> week.  How do people get used
>       to
>          this kind of heat?  At least, it's kind of
> windy though.  But getting
>       used
>          to the heat is taking longer than I
> expected.
>
>          June 15th:
>          Fell asleep by the community pool.  (Got
> 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
>          body).  Missed 3 days of work.  What a dumb
> thing to do.  I learned my
>          lesson though.  Got to respect the ol' sun
> in a climate like this.
>
>          June 20th:
>          I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the
> car when I left this morning.
>          By the time I got to the hot car at noon,
> Lomita had died and swollen up
>          to the size of a shopping bag, then popped
> like a water balloon.  The car
>          now smells like Kibbles and shits.  I
> learned my lesson though.  No more
>          pets in this heat.  Good ol' Mr. Sun
> strikes again.
>
>          June 25th:
>          The wind sucks.  It feels like a giant
> freaking blow dryer!!  And it's
>       hot
>          as hell.  The home air-conditioner is on
> the fritz and the AC repairman
>          charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
> he needed to order parts.
>
>          June 30th:
>          Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3
> nights now, $325,000 house and I
>          can't even go inside.  Lomita is the lucky
> one.  Why did I ever come
>       here?
>
>          July 5th:
>          It's 115 degrees.  Finally got the
> air-conditioner fixed today.  It cost
>          $1000 and gets the temperature down to 85.
> I hate this stupid state.
>
>          July 8th:
>          If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for
> you today?' I'm going to
>          strangle him.  Damn heat.  By the time I
> get to work, the radiator is
>          boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet,
> and I smell like baked cat!!
>
>          July 9th:
>          Tried to run some errands after work.  Wore
> shorts, and when I sat on the
>          seats in the car, I thought my ass was on
> fire.  My skin melted to the
>          seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the
> hair on the back of my legs
>       and
>          ass.  Now my car smells like burnt hair,
> fried ass, and baked cat.
>
>          July 10th:
>          The weather report might as well be a damn
> recording.  Hot and sunny and
>          hot and sunny.  Hot and sunny.  It's been
> too hot to do shit for 2 damn
>          months and the weatherman says it might
> really warm up next week. 
>       Doesn't
>          it ever rain in this damn desert?  Water
> rationing will be next, so my
>          $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and
> blow over.  Even the cactus
>          can't live in this damn heat.
>
>          July 14th:
>          Welcome to HELL!  Temperature got to 119
> today.  Cactus are dead.  Forgot
>          to crack the window and blew the damn
> windshield out of the car.  The
>          installer came to fix it and said, "Hot
> enough for you today?"
>
>          My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me
> out of jail.  Freaking Phoenix,
>          Arizona. What kind of a sick demented idiot
> would want to live here??
>
>          Will write later to let you know how the
> trial goes.
>        
>